•  Jean-Paul Sartre

    Jean-Paul Sartre

    "In football everything is complicated by the presence of the opposite team" Jean-Paul Sartre

    Jean-Paul's tightness at the back was notoriously successful at securing the being and nothingness of a 0-0 draw. Unisex sizes small (36inch chest/90cms) XL (48inch/120cms) and XXL (52inch/130cms).…
  • Monty Python

    Monty Python

    "There’s Archimedes, and I think he’s had an idea! “Eureka!” Archimedes, out to Socrates. Socrates back to Archimedes. Archimedes out to Heraclitus who beats Hegel. Heraclitus a little flick. Here he comes, on the far post. Socrates is there! Socrates heads it in! Socrates has scored! The Greeks are going mad! The Greeks are going mad! Socrates scores! But a beautiful cross from Archimedes. The Germans are disputing it! Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a prioriadjunct of non-naturalistic ethics. Kant, via the categorical imperative, is holding that ontologic exists only in the imagination, and Marx is claiming that it was offside." International Philosophy Match, Germany v Greece, Olympic Stadium Munich

    The game in which the Greeks put one over that German Kant. Devised by Cleese, Palin, Idle and the rest it was surely one of their funniest moments, without a dead parrot or silly walk to be seen. Des…
  •  Albert Camus

    Albert Camus

    "All that I know most surely about morality and obligations, I owe to football " Albert Camus

    The first man on any teamsheet with philosophical pretensions. Alone, between the sticks Albert muses on the inspiring properties of the game he loved while preserving the existential being and nothin…
  •  Galileo


    An obvious choice to bolster any side struggling to put the ball through the air and in the back of the net. Coming off the sub's bench, proudly wearing Fermat's Prime Number 17, Galileo solves the pr…
  •  Fyodor Dostoyevsky

    Fyodor Dostoyevsky

    "Without some goal and some effort to reach it. No man can live." Fyodor Dostoyevsky

    The doyen of the crime of a red card and the punishment of an early bath. Dostoyevsky knew the necessity to plough on regardless towards the other lot's six yard box, with the sheer joy of putting the…
  •  Simone de Beauvoir

    Simone de Beauvoir

    "In seeking a goal a woman acquires that magnificent possession - the absolute" Simone de Beauvoir

    Don't expect Simone to sweep up at the back, but she could run rings round those defenders married to only performing well at home. Unisex sizes large (44inch chest/110cms), XL (48inch/120cms) and …
  •  Jean Baudrillard

    Jean Baudrillard

    "Power is only to happy to make football bear a diabolical responsibility for stupefying the masses " Jean Baudrillard

    Lofting the ball into hyper-space, Jean could be relied upon to confound any opposition. Unisex sizes small (36inch chest /90cms), medium (40inch/100cms), XL (48inch/120cms) and XXL (52inch/130cms)…
  •  Roland Barthes

    Roland Barthes

    "In football there enters an intermediary a ball. It is in order to possess it that one is strong." Roland Barthes

    Roland reveals himself as a theorist of the virtues of possession football. A spectacle of a signing, somtimes unsure about the structure of his teams he never doubted the mythology of his own talent.…
  •  Rupert Brooke

    Rupert Brooke

    "There's some corner of a foreign field that is forever England" Rupert Brooke

    He might have been poetry in motion on the field but Rupert's pentameter didn't run to Ingerland's extra syllable. Unisex sizes small 36 inch chest 90 cms) and medium (40 inch chest /100cm). Avail…
  •  Cain


    "Am I my brother's keeper?" Cain

    Good at hanging on to crosses, God's first choice for the number one shirt would be crucified if he let the ball slip through his hands. Unisex sizes small (36inch chest/90cms), medium (40inch/100c…
  •  Oscar Wilde

    Oscar Wilde

    "Football is a game for rough girls, not suitable for delicate boys" Oscar Wilde

    An early proponent of the virtues of women's football, Oscar always understood the importance of being earnest in the tackle, but never fully grasped the Queensberry rules. Unisex sizes  XL (48inc…
  • Alf Garnett

    Alf Garnett

    "Football is working class ballet." Alf Garnett

    STRICTLY LIMITED EDITION - BESPOKE GARMENT On a classic claret and blue shirt exclusively tailored and manufactured for Philosophy Football, this is a strictly limited edition of just 112 garments,…
  •  Edward Elgar

    Edward Elgar

    "We banged the leather for goal! " With original music written in Elgar's hand

      Best known for his Land of Hope and Glory Elgar's beloved Wolves have enjoyed less of the latter in recent years. But when Elgar was a fan in the late 1890's they had just enjoyed their first FA…
  •  Philosopher


    Small print: 20 years of Philosophy Football 1994-2014 In October 2014 Philosophy Football celebrates 20 years as self-styled 'sporting outfitters of intellectual distinction'. What makes us unique…
  •  Dmitri Shostakovich

    Dmitri Shostakovich

    "The opening bars of the ballet Football, Second Movement of Opus 66" Dmitri Shostakovich

    A classic player, Shostakovich composed himself before recording a masterpiece of a move in front of his adoring fans. Unisex size small (36 inch chest/90 cms)  Available as listed in drop-down m…
  • QR Code Don't Think Consume T-shirt

    QR Code Don't Think Consume T-shirt

    Our original 'Don't think, consume' design now produced as a QR code, scan it with your phone, you'll be delighted to find where it takes you. 'Don't think, consume' wear your ironic resis…
  • tote bag tote bag

    The Philosophy Football logo in all its classic glory. Show off your intellectual credentials when doing the shopping. Gift-wrap service. With exclusive Philosophy Football wrapping paper and gif…
  • Waiting for Godot framed print

    Waiting for Godot framed print

    Used on the cover of Philosophy Football's 2021 Christmas catalogue, this witty image taken by Philosophy Football designer Hugh Tisdale at St Pancras Eurostar terminal is available as a limited editi…